Well, I've got my New New keyboard now and it seems to be working perfectly. I wound up not returning my Old New Keyboard, although I probably should. I'm thinking of keeping it around for my laptop or something. (Or maybe I could get one of those new mini Macs or something...)
So what's up with the new new keyboard?
Well... the old new keyboard had the "\|" key in the wrong place. It put it at the end of the right shift key. WTF?!
So the new new keyboard has all the function keys in the right place, grouped by fours like they should be, has all the editting keys the right place (Insert, Home, Page Up in one row with Delete, End, and Page Down underneath), and has the "\|" key about the Enter key, like it should be.
Unfortunately it also has that stupid F Lock key for accessing the function keys, but all in all, it has all the keys I want where I want them. I just have to remember to hit the F Lock key after rebooting, which I don't do that often anyway, so all in all it's perfect.
Oh, and as an added plus, the function keys are actually all full size. Amazing!